On our way to catch a water taxi we were now 5 minutes late for, I heard the words run.
Followed by, don’t walk. Run!
My son Craig spoke with the authority of my old school head master as we approached the second bridge and pushed our way through the crowds.
With my body burning in heat from a hot flush and the panic of possibly missing our slot for the taxi back to the port I replied in silence with a look that said it all (can’t he see I’m trying to calm the “crazy cat lady’ and stop her from breaking into a rehearsal of the next big TV drama scene). In a flash my [pre]menopause symptoms transported me back into the sea of pain and struggle.
That morning it took me way too long to get ready for our day out. I hated the way my clothes were just about strangling me (a few days ago my favourite trousers fitted me well). My hormonal bloated ugly body crying to be free, pleading to move comfortably.
My head in a world of negative thoughts, all screaming at me at once (the hate committee just happened to have a full agenda that day, not wanting to be interrupted under any circumstances). I hated the way I looked. I hated the way I felt even more. I hated the way this dam change of life was interfering with my peace of mind!
To top my morning off, the hairstyle I had imagined the night before was not the one staring back at me from the mirror. After 20 or so minutes (okay, it was at least 40 minutes) trying to make myself look and feel better I admitted defeat (after 51 years I know myself well enough now and accepted that this overwhelming feeling of ugliness was only going to get worse if I continued to look in the mirror and pick out every flaw for this years Oscar winning performance).
“Step away from the mirror” in that soft familiar tone, gently resonating through my body in an attempt to get my attention.
“Give Yourself a Break”
Easier said than done! I spat back angrily and at the same time feeling ashamed for responding with too much negative emotion and acting so self absorbed. I quickly pulled myself out this internal battle between my head and my heart and took at deep breath.
I can now laugh at my internal tug of war games, it’s like watching a episode of the worlds strongest man in the style of Bridget Jones. It’s also quite entertaining to see how quickly people and situations effect my responses during ‘crazy cat lady’ moments. My [pre]menopausal experiences would make a great script for a new comedy series; Midlife, Menopause and Madness.
The symptoms of [pre]menopause come and go as they please and can knock us totally out of balance but only if we allow them to. If you’re having a difficult day and know that you aren’t feeling your best try switching off the TV drama going on in your head and
“Step Into Your Heart”
Remember the symptoms are temporary and knowing where we are on the menopause map will help us to plan a better route.
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