11 Months of Gray

The subject of hair is a huge one for this [pre]menopausal woman and I don’t mind putting my hands up.


Yes, I personally struggle most days with the subject of hair, gray hair, as well as thinning, dull and lifeless hair.

Well, just about anything and everything to do with hair.

As you know I am embracing……………..did I say that?

Because in reality, I am struggling with the going gray gracefully concept.

I would have an easier time accepting advice from a pot smoking, drunken Chinese Herbalist that the best way to deal with bad hair requires cutting it all off with a pair of scissors blessed by Buddha, burning it in a fire made of Autumn leaves while reciting the Lords Prayer and then offering the ashes to a Hindu deity – incase you are wondering this is a ritual I made up.

On a good day I am happy to be taking on this challenge

on a bad day I just wish this two year long marathon was finally over (11 months in and I’m running out of steam already).

Today is one of those days, where I am seconds away from racing out the door with the speed of Mo Farrah and a towel over my head to hide my shame, into the first shop I see to buy my next bottle of toxic waste.

I have at least one of those crumbling surrender ‘ok you’ve won’ moments every week as I look with despair at my reflection. My family were right, unflattering long gray hair makes me look old.

That’s it I’m coming back as a man next time. Life is just so unfair.

“Have you heard yourself?”

followed by

“You sound ridiculous.”

Even the ‘crazy cat lady’ was sick and tired of hearing my moaning and would go to any lengths to knock me right off my soap box.

I agree, my complaints are trivial and the sensible thing to do is accept it is what it is and deal with it gracefully (there’s that word again, gracefully).

I can’t wait for the day I stop agonising over my hair and my going gray not so gracefully stage. For now I am happy I managed to dodge another bullet and my hair saga continues for another day at least.



Care to share! we love to hear about your experiences.


38 thoughts on “11 Months of Gray

  1. Ive been deciding if i should color my hair or not for the last 20 years. Now i just get it highlighted every couple of months but thats not working now. Im a dirty dishwater blond so the gray doesnt show that much. My hair grows so fast that i dont want to pay to color it every month or so. Still on the fence about what to do.

    1. Knowing what to do about our hair can be a difficult decision. Understanding why we colour our hair helps. I knew I was colouring my hair to fit in with the expectations of society & blindly following others. To me that wasn’t a good enough reason to continue doing it. Your why will be completely different.

  2. Greetings!! When 90% of my hair turned gray at age 52 I decided that I did not look good with gray hair and chose to dye my hair Red. Not just any Red but a really Blazing Dynamic Red. I use Manic Panic which is a Vegan hair color. Right now it is Inferno. For a while it was Vampire Red then Rock N’ Roll Red.

    As for the other issues concerning dry thinning hair my standby are essential oils. Obviously African-American Hair is Not like Caucasian hair however YouTube has videos for all races of women. I watch mostly videos by Black Women who wear their hair Natural. Here is the information that helped me.


    1. Vegan hair colour I didn’t know that existed, the colors made my laugh. I like the sound of Vampire Red & Manic Panic. I’ve started to use coconut oil which helps but I will look into essential oils too. Thank you for the additional information

      1. Manic Panic is a Women Owned Company founded by two sisters Tish & Snookie in 1977. They used to be backup singers for DeBorah Harry and Blondie. I am also a great fan of their lipsticks. Lots of crazy colors. When I retire I might just go all out and color my hair Electric Blue!! LOL!! Adventures of a Middle-aged Woman!!

  3. Lol! This post is so apt for me at the moment. I have really dark hair, practically black and have just started to get grey (I’m English lol) hairs at age 35. The annoying thing I find about this is that they are only coming through on the visible parts on my head, like right at the front!! Why is that? Its so flipping annoying! 😂😂
    Some great comments and advice on here though. 😀👍
    Hayley 😊

    1. Hello Hayley, thank you for taking the time out to comment. I’ve seen some really great natural gray hair on younger women who were originally very dark. I think my hair obsession is becoming a bit out of control, I find myself admiring gray hair everywhere I go 😂

      1. Hehe! 😂 Let’s hope I’m one of those women who has nice, natural grey hair cause I really can’t be bothered colouring my hair all the time lol 😂

  4. I call it silver myself: hints at its value & power. I’d def advise a good hairdresser support, with some lighter highlights, & regular trims etc to keep it looking thicker & healthier. My hair’s actually developed a bit of a curl with all the new silver strands, so I’m loving it! And I’m in Australia too 🙂

    1. Oh silver, I like that a lot. Yes, I agree with your advice. My daughter brought it to my attention at the weekend that I have made a complete mess of cutting it myself. We nearly wet ourselves laughing. lesson learned. I need to research a good hairdresser, my experience with the last 3 weren’t great which is why I resorted to DIY.

  5. Oh you’re much braver than me!!! I have tried to go gray before and just can’t! I was having my hairdresser color my hair to a gradual shade of gray but I never even got that far, just can’t do it. My mother, who is 84, just these past few months finally decided to let hers go gray. She had lost all her hair from chemo when she had cancer some years back and that was the worst part about the cancer for her. Your hair is not a trivial thing so it’s understandable how you are feeling. You really have to do what’s best for you. If having gray hair brings you down then why not color it until the day that you are finally ready to go gray, like my mom. I’m sure it will be quite some time for me before I will enjoy looking at myself in the mirror with gray hair. Not ready for that yet and I’m okay with that! Do what makes you feel best, that’s what matters!! From one Deb to another!! 😉

    1. Hi Deb, thank you for the support. This is my second attempt at it, I agree its not easy but compared to cancer and losing your hair I should not complain because this is a choice. I can only image the kind of distress and pain your mum went through at a time when cancer offers no choice. If my hair was all natural I think it might be easier, its the demarcation line between the gray hair and the old dyed part that has me hanging my head in shame. I’ve had long hair for years and the thought of changing my style feels too scary. And thank you again, discussing my struggles really does help to put things into perspective.

      1. Oh it is not easy at all! Have you considered dying it all gray to match the color of your gray so you don’t have the demarcation? That might look better than what you have now and I know exactly what you’re talking about. Yeah my mom kept hoping she might get lucky and not lose it but she did. It all came back but as I said that was the hardest part of everything for her. What if you were to cut it just alittle shorter than you have it now each time you get your hair done so that is gradually gets shorter. That’s what I’ve done, I still have shoulder length, it just touches my shoulders but it used to be longer too. I actually like it this length. Wear your hair the way that makes you happiest, that in the end, is what is most important. If you feel good about it then you’ll be happier and it’s one less thing to concern yourself with. It is my pleasure and if discussing it helps you to sort through it, I’m always here. xo

  6. I love your post. I still remember very vividly the moment I discovered my first grey hear in my late thirties. I was terrified and shocked. Not about the hair itself but about the fact that it meant I was starting to age visibly in a way that I thought was not for me yet. When I was younger my concept of old age had shifted with my age. When I was thirteen I thought 30 was old. When I turned 30 I thought 50 was old. When I turned 40 I knew that I had caught up with old age and my first grey hairs were a testimony to the fact I could no longer escape. It’s very different from wrinkles and less then vibrant and strong skin. the latter creep up on you slowly. But a grey hair is there, from one day to the other. And staring you in the face…. Telling you, yes you are getting old, you too. I still pluck my grey hairs out. I can still afford doing it because they are still relatively few. It gives me time to adjust for the moment that you are going through. I do find there are a lot of woman with really wonderful grey hair. And I wouldn’t mind looking like them at all. Just not yet…. The problem is not the grey hair, I find, but coming to terms with the fact that we’re aging and can no longer escape that fact.

    1. Thank you for taking the time to comment. Yes I hear you, the reality of ageing takes some getting used to. Looking in the mirror somedays, leaves my reeling in shock because I don’t feel a day over 17…..51 how the hell did that happen.

  7. You know, hair color doesn’t bother me. I’m getting kind of gray at the sides, but it blends in well with my blonde. What I HATE is the dull, lifelessness of my hair at this stage. So I go twice a year and have a pencil weave done with my own natural color. It brightens things up a bit, and it gives my hair a better texture. Mine is really thin and fine as well. For me I have more issues with the parenthesis around my mouth than anything. Don’t mind the wrinkles at my eyes. Just means I laugh a lot. But those other lines, yuk!

    Impromptu Promptlings
    A to Z Challenge Letter U

    1. That sounds like a great idea something to add to the natural colour to give it a boost. I don’t know how I’m not bald with the amount of hair-loss going on at the minute. Agree laughter lines are badges of honour but the eye bag thing……..well they just remind me daily of how old I am…..big sigh…..mother nature sure has a sense of humour.

  8. Hair matter is not trivial in the least. It’s a woman’s crown and dealing with body changes is not easy no matter how light we want to make it. My thoughts are that one should work with what works best for them especially in the grooming department. If a little colour makes you happy, by all means, do it and be happy which is the most important aspect 🙂

  9. My work sent me grey in my early thirties and a number of incidents led me to using a colour someone had forced on me … the resultant mass praise meant I kept it red for many years. I am now gracefully and happily grey! Personally I’ve never been keen on women over 30 yo with long year … I think it does date one and I’m essentially lazy so the shorter it is the less bother.

    1. I wish I had courage to go for a short haircut but I’ve had long hair for years and years and years…….I love that “I am now graceful and happily grey! that will be me in a few more years, can’t wait.

  10. Your thoughts are not trivial at all Deb.. Why.. because for us woman our hair is our crowning glory..
    I mentioned before I am only just starting to get stray grey in the front of my head.. At 63 next month I think I am doing well.. As I know many twenty years younger with grey.. But they have often dyed it previously..
    I am as I said going with the flow of any grey.. or gray.. 🙂
    But I do have thinning.. it started a few years back and on the crown of my head are two small penny size bald spots which when the wind blows i get conscious of..
    So I would prefer grey any day than no hair at all LOL..
    And I often think of my friends and my sister who when going through Cancer treatments lost all their hair.. I can only imagine how they felt.. And until you are going through it we do not know how it affects us..

    So its not trivia for you.. For we no matter how big or small, if it affects us it affects us..

    I would wash my hair every day at one time.. Now I wash it every other day.. and with a milder shampoo… I condition once a week not every wash.. And I do not use curling tongs as often.. 🙂

    Love and Blessings..
    Sue 💙💛💚

    1. Thank you Sue for putting this into perspective for me. I wanted to do Brave The Shave for Cancer at the beginning of this journey but my hubby was totally against it. Your comments are so helpful and I appreciate you shinning a light on my journey. I’ve learnt over recent months to take more care of my hair and use tongs, straighteners much less than I did.

      1. Yes glad your hubby talked sense.. While it is a very noble course.. I have raised money for cancer support myself.. Its the trauma and the effects it has on emotions we do not always see.. Which we bury on the inside.. Often its dis-ease of mind which gives rise to disease of Body… 🙂
        You are most welcome Deb.. xxx

  11. I would grow gray gracefully IF it would cooperate with me and come in the way I want it. However, I got this skunk thing that wants to happen and I can’t be having that….yet. Eventually, I’ll cave but for now, hell no! 🙂 I can totally relate!

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